02 Sep 2007
Emotional Infidelity
Perhaps because I am in the middle of an emotional shift, from partnered to single again, some thoughts have been more and more present in my mind, sometimes allowing me some insights that never before would make any sense to me.
Specifically, I’ve been thinking of infidelity, open relationships, free sex (as in “freedom”, not as in “free beer”), and so on. In fact, I’ve been asking myself what constitutes infidelity, if fidelity is only sexual exclusivity, or what is there beyond the sex act outside the committed relationship.
Lucky me, because this is a personal blog, and all I have to do, if I want, is to write about what makes senses to me. I say this because it is not easy to answer such questioning in a satisfactory way, if you intend to be precise, exact. There is a wide variation on the concept of what is acceptable, people have different personal and moral values, thus they have very different perspectives of life and relationships. But since I am writing to tell people what I do think, I am allowed to be imprecise.
But, in fact, I think sex is not the main point on infidelity, especially if you think how popular online chat rooms are nowadays. Because if one’s partner engages in a sexually oriented conversation through Internet with someone at the other side of the Country, it is not likely they are really going to meet to have sex. But it is impossible to deny the emotional bond between both of them, id doesn’t matter how deep this bond is.
According to my feelings and judgment, establishing a bond with someone other than one’s partner (or spouse) is a form of cheating, period. Because no one has the duty to be committed to someone else, but if one accepts to be a partner, such partnership begins with a strong feeling, an intense desire to be together, to work, to fight, to grow together. When one of the partners begins to not focus her/his feelings on the other partner, the unethical games starts.
The idea that establishing an emotional bond with someone other than one’s spouse or partner as a form of cheating - commonly referred to as emotional infidelity has considerable validity especially considering the growing popularity of online chatrooms. Think about it, the idea of cybersex has its origins in two people who may be physically separated by hundreds or even thousands of miles, connecting on an emotional level through their computers.
Finding out that your spouse had sex with someone other than you is shocking, painful and devastating — and something that is not easily overcome. However, finding out that your partner has a “cyber-affair” with someone could be equally hard. To avoid any kind of infidelity — be it sexual infidelity or emotional infidelity — it is essential to cultivate the emotional connection you have with your spouse or partner
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Hi Janio,
Your insights are perfect. Go on you are in the right way.
Regards,
Paul
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