02 Jan 2007
Missing (someone else’s) past
There is a long time since I started trying to learn English. I never thought, however, that someday I would dare writing in English (despite the fact that once I went to Languages School).
Since I’m not really an English speaker, be prepared to find mistakes, misconstructions, nonsense and several other classes of ineptitude in commanding this language. And, of course, poverty of vocabulary. too.
And the first subject I choose to write about is not easy to translate to another language: in Portuguese “saudadeâ€; in English “nostalgiaâ€, perhaps.
But I’m not talking about that kind of nostalgia regarding your childhood, or a person or place you miss. Sometimes I’m assaulted by a nostalgia regarding time and stuff I never lived.
That’s mostly real when I listen to some old songs by Italian artists, or those that were the hits in 1960, 1950 or even early. They make me feel as if a part of me was stuck in a past that’s not, that cannot be mine.
Talking to my mother about how such feelings come easy to me, she asked if I ever guessed they could be some kind of “flashbacks†from a past incarnation, in another time. I don’t discard the possibility, since I actually believe in reincarnation. But I also believe (and trust) in another theory that says we are driven to forget everything just before we reincarnate, because it wouldn’t be useful to keep those memories.
I try hard to find elucidation for my melancholia, but it seems to me that I couldn’t find a line of thought that leads me to the truth. Sometimes I think that the old songs activate some area in my brain responsible for recording information about my very early days. Sometimes I think that those are just nice songs, and as good songs they make the feelings “wake up†in my soul. And most of the times I think that I’ll never find a satisfactory answer for this question.
In fact, I’m learning a valuable lesson: I try not listening to old songs, except if I’m willing to get melancholic and insightful. Sometimes, such state of mind makes you fell you are alive.
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