10 Sep 2007
Why it’s sucking to be a mistress
I’ve been wondering about relationships those days. Now I found myself thinking about how horrible a mistress could feel sometimes, because of her position. I was able to point out a few reasons why I would hate to be a mistress (or a lover, since I am not a woman, and I am not Chico Buarque, who is able to put his anima on his lyrics in the form of a female narrator).
First: Christmas Dinner
It’s not because one is not the so-called partner that one doesn’t have feelings and expectations; I think every normal person in the world would love to have the Christmas Dinner with the beloved one. But for a lover, there are no Christmas parties, there are no dinners, there is only cold food next afternoon, and very luckily, a gift without a fine package.
Second: Vacations
Who will the husband travel with, next vacations? With his wife, of course. At least, she is supposed to travel with her husband. Not the mistress. The poor mistress spent a whole year being visited in the middle of the afternoon, unable to make phone calls, being left just when she most needs not to be alone. What does she get when his lover is on vacations? More loneliness.
Third: Weekends
Perhaps the most difficult of the times being a mistress sucks, the weekends may be awful. Because you never can be with the one you love, his best times are supposed to be shared with his family; there are no Sunday lunches, no Saturday movies, no Friday night relaxes at the bathtub.
Fourth: In Illness
Try to get sick, if you’re a mistress, and pray for your lover to make a phone call. Lovers are not able to appear publicly with the waitress, and support her when she needs might be potentially dangerous. “Someone could see us together and my marriage would be over.â€
Lucky me because I was born a male, and I am proud of it. If not, I could be a mistress right now, and I might be suffering of all the above complaints. Positively, not for me.
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Man, there are a lot of reasons. You just pointed out a few, but I think the main reason is lack of love. Because if one doesn’t have love in their life, then they live an empty life. And that’s what they must feel: emptiness.
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Being a man is not enough. You can be a “mistress” if you are in love with someone who can’t be with you due her prime relationship. No, my man, don’t thank our male condition, because we are not that strong. I know females who live under that “sin” years and years like the Chico Buarque’s personas. If we discover the horns in our heads, hide the weapons!
But being a mistress is pain, sadness and low self-esteem. The strenght becomes weakness in the future, and the mistress discovered she doesn’t live by herself. No Christmas, no weekends, no aspirins.
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Alot of my friends and i myself have been a mistress. I agree with all the above. Weekends are lonely, christmas is lonely and holidays are lonely. When you stay in that sort of relationship you slowly get broken down. You forget what love and relationships are suposed to be. You crave for the attention off your lover to have your short fix and then when they are gone, the cravings start again, never to feel better. Thats where your lack of self esteem and self worth hit you, Whats wrong with me? Why? You cant move forward and change if used to that lifestyle so long. So So sad but so easy to get caught up in! All those years that are wasted and what for?
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My friends and family (whom I have now lost) said that I was the last person they would expect to be in a situation like this…the one you all are describing. I moved halfway across the country (he moved me) to be closer to him. Alone in a new city, over the course of a few weeks, a few months….he reveals to me slowly that he isn’t REALLY separated…then he isn’t REALLY out of town all the time…etc.,
I have a serious medical ailment right now that I am dealing with and cannot up and move. Besides…I have nowhere to go.
He pays for everything. And now that I am in the middle of this disability, there is no way out. And let me add…this relationship is not doing a thing to speed recovery.
I made a monumental mistake. I cannot even speak up for myself because he threatens to cut me off…etc.
He called me a slut and a skank (amongst many other things) on IM in a drunken stupor the other night and I just sat on my bed afterwards and looked at nothing while tears were streaming down my face.
I already suffer from PTSD and was doing pretty well dealing with it. I thought that this situation would help me recover from this illness. It isn’t. In fact, it has exacerbated the PTDS and turned what used to be dysthymic depression into Major Depression. While before I may have found myself agitated, I now find myself anxiety stricken on an almost constant basis.
He only comes to visit me when he has business here now. He works all day and usually goes to dinner with people from work at night. And he is only here for 48 hours at the most. ..never on the weekends or holidays…ever.
Of course, the A1 treatment has stopped. The presents have stopped coming. All the promises have turned into excuses. Sadly…the only thing I really wanted was to have someone who loved and respected me. I got the opposite.
And honestly, when I found out his REAL situation, I tried to break up with him. I cannot live with myself knowing I am damaging someone else’s family. And I hate myself for it. I have vowed to not have a sexual relationship with him no matter what. I would rather live on the street. And that’s most likely exactly where I will end up.
Had I have known the magnitude of what I was getting into…I would have ran from it. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It is the loneliest existence I have ever known.
I am stuck in a new city. I know no one. I lost my family and most of my friends over this. And I am now almost crippled with this illness.
I stopped getting out of bed. I stopped eating. And I haven’t stopped crying.
I hide this secret from everyone, as I am utterly ashamed of myself. I have hidden the amount of pain I suffer from my “friend” as I am praying and trying to get through treatment of this illness.
I am grateful I have somewhere to even type this. It is Sunday afternoon. And I almost despise the sun coming in because it reminds me that there are people/couples out there who are able to love each other in the daylight.
And it makes me extremely sad.
I am definitely not one of them.
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